Monday, November 1, 2010

Hodgepodge: Halloween Edition

1.  It's possible that we have finally broken the Halloween curse in our house.  Almost every year since Liam's birth, Halloween has been cursed.  Only the first one was relatively normal.  When he was 9 months old, he sat out with me a for a little bit but that was it.  After that it was bedtime.  When he was 21 months old, it rained so hard we couldn't possibly go trick-or-treating.  Also, Scot got rear-ended on his way home from work that night.  When he was 2.5, he did half the street and then it was time for bed.  When he was 3.5, he flat out refused to go trick-or-treating.  When he was 4.5, he spent the entire night before Halloween puking all night long.  We gave our bowl of candy to the neighbor to hand out and stayed in.  This year finally seemed to work out.  I handed out candy while Scot took the kids.  Scot came home with Jamie after about 30 minutes and Liam stayed with the group of kids and adults that were working the neighborhood.  He came home an hour later with a such a haul he said "Mommy!  It's so heavy I can't even lift it!"


2.  Speaking of scores, when did Halloween candy go so upscale?  I thought I was being a good house by buying the good candy (no dum-dums, tootsie rolls, or bit o' honeys here!) and giving out at least 2 pieces per kid.  Apparently that's the chintzy way to go about things, these days.  Liam got more than one full treat bag in his candy.  How much time and money do these people have that they are handing out whole bags of treats to each kid?!  He also got several full size candy bars, including a Dove bar.  Now, what 5 year old is going to appreciate that one?  I'm pretty sure that's going to make its way into Mommy's emergency stash.  Also?  Not a single dum dum sucker.  No tootsie rolls.  Nary a bit o' honey.

3.  He did get one thing that is making me shake my head.  Let's call it the Christian Tootsie Roll (because it's a piece of poop).  He was given a fake piece of money in the amount of $1,000,000.00.  On the front it says things like "Department of Eternal Affairs" and "All Saints Eve, October 31."  Then, on the back, in small letters around the edge, it says the following:

The million dollar question:  Will you go to Heaven?  Here's a quick test.  Have you ever told a lie, stolen anything, or used God's name in vain?  Jesus said "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  Have you looked with lust?  Will you be guilty on Judgment Day?  If you have done those things, God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer-at-heart.  The Bible warns that if you are guilty you will end up in Hell.  That's not God's will.  He sent his Son  to suffer and die on the cross for you.  Jesus took your punishment upon Himself.  "God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  Then he rose from the dead and defeated death.  Please repent (turn from sin) today and trust in Jesus, and God will grant you everlasting life.  Then read your Bible daily and obey it.

My problems with the Christian Tootsie Roll are numerous.  First of all, I don't think most kids know what lust is.  And what if they're looking at a man in lust?  Is that OK?  Also, don't you dare tell my kid how God sees him.  How are you to know what God thinks?  Are you God?  Running around in righteous indignation about sin makes you just as bad as the sin you keep pointing out.  See you in Hell with my kid.  Furthermore, stop threatening my kid with Hell just because you think Halloween is a sinful, awful, pagan holiday.  It is, but if you don't like it, don't participate.  

I'm just glad Liam can't read well enough yet to understand what the Christian Tootsie Roll is trying to shame him about.  I'll be shredding that little bit of propaganda toute suite. 

1 comment:

  1. Pointed out to the Vicar last night that the Saturnalia and Ēostre (Xmas and Easter) are also sinful, awful, pagan holidays. Next year I want to pass out pro-pagan propaganda w/ the Halloween goodies.