Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thanksgiving Roundup

1. I did not lose 5 pounds by Thanksgiving. However, I'm fairly certain I gained 5 pounds in turkey, dressing, and pumpkin pie alone.

2. The trip to my parents house went fairly well. We borrowed my mother-in-law's Subaru Forrester in an attempt to gain ourselves some cargo space and passenger room only to find out that we probably could have done as well in our Honda Accord. It was a rather cozy 6 hours each way in the car with four people (two in carseats) and a dog. It was the one and only time I've wished that I had a minivan.

It was nice to visit with the my parents and they enjoyed seeing the kids. Maggie got some vet work done by my Dad and is now the proud owner of two gaps in her teeth (she had to have two teeth removed) and a row of stitches on her right hip/flank area (she had a cyst removed). She's a happier dog, though, so I can only assume that her mouth was bothering her even though we had no idea the two teeth needed removal.

I was sick for the first portion of the visit with a nasty cold that left me hacking, nearly voiceless, and choking on my own snot (yeah, you needed that image, eh?). Just about the time that I started feeling better Scot came down with a NASTY migraine and the following day started showing symptoms of my cold. Dude, he cannot catch a break.

Jamie did about as well as I expected him to do with the interruption of his schedule and the necessity of sleeping in the same room as me. Which is to say, not great, not horrendous, but definitely not what I see at home. I'm glad to be home but I know I'm going to spend the next week re-training him to sleep at night.

Liam spent most of his time hanging with Puppa and running himself ragged with the Maggie and Archie (the dogs - Archie is my parents' Cavalier King Charles spaniel). I think he wanted to take Archie home with us - or better yet, just stay there and never come home again. :P

3. I attended my 15 year high school reunion while I was in Michigan. I, unfortunately, only got to stay for about an hour because Jamie had a complete meltdown at home which neither my mother nor my husband could calm so I was called home to deal with him. But, it was nice to see people, they were all really nice to me - even going so far as to offer me hugs in greeting - and it was obvious that my nerves over the event weren't justified. I know that I've changed since high school and it's obvious that most of them have as well. So, the rotten treatment I received at the hands of some of these people is just not important anymore. Now that it's over, I'm kind of bummed that I couldn't stay longer and that even if I could have, I would not have been able to stay out until the wee hours since I have a baby who is still nursing and needed to drive 6 hours the next day. I'm hoping I'll be able to make the 20th reunion when the kids will be a bit older and I'll have a longer leash. :)

4. It is so good to be home. I'm reveling in the quiet of two kids in bed, the husband headed there himself because of his cold, the dog sleeping on her cushion, and the rain on the roof.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thursday Thirteen: The Thankful Edition

(I know it's a few hours early but you're getting it anyway)

1. I am thankful for my husband, without whom I would not have survived the last year. Between pregnancy and then a newborn, I was ready to give up on more than one occasion. Scot picked me back up again.

2. I am thankful for Liam, who makes me laugh, gives the best hugs around, and FINALLY sleeps through the night.

3. I am thankful for Jamie’s safe arrival and for his presence in our lives. He completes our family and is one giant ball of cute.

4. I am thankful for our medical professionals. They have seen us through wrist surgery, physical therapy, pregnancy, childbirth, infant reflux, headaches, and lots of other stuff. We’d be lost without them.

5. I am thankful for Scot’s job which allows me to stay home with our kids while they’re little. I know I complain about my lot in life sometimes but I wouldn’t trade it - these years are few and short but what they get from me being home lasts far longer.

6. I am thankful for our extended family who have supported us immeasurably over the last year in more ways than I can name.

7. I am thankful our friends. Living in a toddler-driven world, they are my life line even if it is just over the internet.

8. I am thankful for Liam’s pre-school teacher, Miss Christa. She’s been his teacher for two years now and she does a great job nurturing his thirst to learn. Because of her, Liam will be more than ready for Kindergarten next fall.

9. I am thankful for jewelry insurance. It’s a little thing but without it I would never have been able to replace my wedding rings when I foolishly lost them earlier this year.

10. I am thankful for the internet. It may sound stupid but without the wonders of technology I would not be able to keep in touch with almost anyone. I’m isolated enough as it is, the internet keeps complete obscurity at bay.

11. I am thankful for Mucinex, Sudafed PE, and, Advil. I have a rotten cold for Thanksgiving this year and they’re making it slightly more bearable.

12. I am thankful to be spending the holiday surrounded by people I love and who love me in return. I can think of at least two families going through their first holiday after the loss of a child and I am grateful beyond measure that I am not in their shoes. I also wish them strength this season.

13. I am thankful.

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's A Thanksgiving Miracle

Let me be frank. (Hi, Frank!)

People think that stay-at-home-parents have all the time in the world to take care of stuff because they don't work outside the home. Well, I beg to differ. I've lived the single, no children/married, no children lifestyle, too. Trust me, it was easier. It is beyond hard to keep a house clean and neat whilst having small children. Admittedly it is easier for some people because they are, by nature, better at keeping a clean house. I know that I am not one of those people and that the war against squalor is an uphill battle for me.

There are any number of reasons I find it hard. The principal ones go by the names of Liam and Jamie. They generally go behind me and undo everything I've done in about 3.2 nanoseconds. Jamie is also reaching the stage wherein I must watch him with eagle eyes every second that he is awake lest he try to swallow a Lego. So, accomplishing even small tasks can be quite difficult for me because I'm still working my way into multi-tasking with two kids. I have this sneaking suspicion that I'm as competent at it as I will ever become because it just doesn't get better than this no matter who you are.*

I say all this so that you can appreciate what an accomplishment it is for me that I completed ALL my weekly chores last week. I still didn't get them done in the Mon-Fri window I had them scheduled for and had to spend a large part of the day yesterday doing things I hadn't gotten around to. But, even so this is no small feat for me.

Don't get me wrong, the house is by no means spotless. And I still can't find the remote to the TV. (ARGH!) But the bathrooms are clean, the carpets are vacuumed, the kitchen is clean, the surfaces are dusted, we have groceries, and the laundry is done. I managed to cook dinner almost every night, too. (Also, a HUGE accomplishment.)

I still have a long way to go to become a Domestic Diva and I'm still working on all these things becoming habits so that it seems like less of a chore all the time. But when I look at the list of all the things I do around here OTHER than childcare, I feel like Superwoman.

I honestly don't know how women who work get it all done. They are the true Superwomen.

---------------------

*unless you have live in help.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

You Be The Judge

If you haven't picked up on it already, we're nerds/geeks/dweebs in this house and we love Star Wars. There is a certain little person by the name of Liam who is obsessed. We even dressed our kids up as Star Wars characters for Halloween, going so far as to make the baby Darth Vader.

So imagine our glee when we received a flier in the mail from a certain store that allows you make and dress your own stuffed animal and that flier told us that they were carrying Star Wars bears this holiday season. Yes, indeed. Darth Vader. Storm Trooper. Jedi Knight. Anakin Skywalker. All as bears. The juxtaposition is hilarious.

Well, we took one look at this flier and decided that Santa was bringing bears this year.

So, one day this week we trotted off to the store, bought the bears, got the outfits needed (which is a story in and of itself) and came home to hide our booty. This afternoon while Liam was at his grandparents' house and Jamie was napping I dug them out in order to put their outfits on them.

We bought the Jedi Knight for Liam. It's like a little Obi-Wan complete with light saber. The damn thing is ridiculously cute and the hood of the outer robe even has slits in it for the bear's ears. We put Liam in his Halloween costume and hand him this bear and it will be a Kodak moment for the ages.

And, of course, we purchased Darth Vader for Jamie since that's what he was for Halloween. I pulled out the bear and started dressing him in the Vader outfit and I kept thinking to myself "this is getting kinkier than I would like." The material the outfit is made out of has a slightly vinyl like exterior to it and it fits the bear VERY snugly. To the point of it being difficult to dress the bear. When it came time to put the "helmet" portion on the bear it became too much for me. All this bear needs is a ball gag and we're in the BDSM business.

I give you the bear:




So, you tell me. Darth Vader or BDSM?

Friday, November 20, 2009

It All Gets Better, Right?

Jamie is killing me.

His sleep is deteriorating rapidly and as usual in such cases I can't determine the cause. At least not easily. It could be reflux. It could be teething. It could be developmental. It could be all three. It could be none of these. I've switched his medication schedule around, added in some extra Mylanta for the reflux and painkillers for the teeth. He's still a crankpot.

For most of the day today he was shrieking. If he wasn't asleep, he would shriek. Not cry. Not wail. Not shed a single tear. Just shriek at the top of his lungs to make sure I fully understood his displeasure.

I understood. Deeply.

I know this is all temporary and that it will get better with time. I know that it won't kill me or anyone else. I know that it's just an unpleasant fact of life in regards to having an infant in the house. Some days it's hard to take the long view, though.

At this rate the trip to Michigan for Thanksgiving is going to be exercise in torture and that solitary confinement cell at Gitmo is starting to look like the Ritz.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Roundup

1. Thanksgiving this year is going to involve a road trip. We’re headed north to my parents’ place. We haven’t seen them for Thanksgiving (or any other holiday, really) since I was pregnant with Liam so this should be a good trip. I’m just hoping that Jamie gets his sleep under control between now and then. Otherwise, this trip is going to suck donkey nuggets. I wonder if they’ve got any spaces open at Gitmo - it couldn’t possibly be worse than what Jamie’s been putting me through lately.

2. In conjunction with Thanksgiving, I also have my 15 year high school reunion. Let me pause a moment here while I breathe into a paper bag. *hyperventilate* Ok, all done now. Anyway, I don’t know how many people will be there and I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of them since graduation day. I’ve reconnected with one or two via Facebook but to say the least I’m a little nervous. I keep flashing back to the scene in “Grosse Pointe Blank” when John and Joan Cusack are discussing reunions.

Martin Blank: Did you go to your reunion.?
Marcella: Yes. It was just as if everyone had swelled.

Yeah. I’ve swelled. Damn baby weight.

3. Jamie, little Nero that he is, has suddenly decided that baby food from a jar? Sucks. He’s become increasingly difficult to feed even his favorite foods. Today I threw up my hands in frustration and started feeding him table foods. I watched him cover himself in avocado at lunch today. But the interesting thing is that if he has something to self-feed, he’ll eat muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better off the spoon. Sneaky little man.

4. My mother-in-law introduced me to a new and evil cookie recipe this weekend. It’s not only dead simple it’s also sinfully good.

Cake Mix Cookies

1 chocolate cake mix
1/2 cup flour
2/3 cup oil
2 eggs
12 oz chocolate chips

Blend cake mix, flour, oil, and eggs. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop from teaspoon onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in preheated 375 degree oven for 9-11 minutes until toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool on sheet for 2 minutes then remove to a cooling rack.

Voila! Scrumptiousness.

I keep looking at this recipe and finding yummy ways to vary it. Mint Chocolate Chips! Sin in a cookie, I’m telling you. Peanut Butter chips! Mmm, mmm, Good. How about a vanilla cake mix with cinnamon chips? Orgasmic!

I foresee this becoming a staple in our house. And I wonder why I swell.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Quickly, He's On the Move...

Jamie took two steps today while supported by one of those walker toys.

It won't be long now...


video

Friday, November 13, 2009

Robert Frost Had The Right Idea

I’ve mentioned before that we have a Beagle named Maggie. Like all Beagles she is slightly smelly, incredibly neurotic, ruled by her nose, and loud when she howls. She also likes to spend a great deal of her time outside wandering the yard having an extended prowl and sniff. We have a lot of wildlife around here - chipmunks, squirrels, deer, rabbits, raccoons, and the occasional coyote - so the yard always has some new smell to be discovered by her inquisitive nose. In an effort to keep her safe from wildlife that might harm her (she was attacked by a deer the first week we lived here) and to keep her from being a nuisance to our neighbors, we installed an invisible fence and trained her to obey it.

She does very well with it. She doesn’t generally approach the borders of the fence, she knows exactly where she can and cannot go without getting zapped and if she does wander into the fence line she jumps back in bounds quickly.

The point is we make an effort not only keep her safe but to avoid annoying our neighbors with our pet.

The same cannot be said about one of our next door neighbors.

About a year or so ago, they adopted a dog from Animal Friends. The dog is in large part Walker Hound (aka the Treeing Walker Coonhound) and as a result has many of the same characteristics of our beagle but is about 3 times her size. Brody is as sweet as they come - he’s friendly, he obeys voice commands, he loves to play with people and other pets (apparently he LURVES cats). Like many hounds, Brody also has separation anxiety and when he is left alone in his house, he gets destructive. Very destructive.

My neighbors’ solution to this problem is to not leave him in the house when they are gone. If they cannot take Brody wherever it is they are headed, he is left loose to roam the neighborhood at will. He does not keep to his yard - once again, being a hound, he is ruled by his nose - and does whatever he damn well pleases no matter whose property he is on. They installed invisible fencing and then did not take the time to properly train the dog to it so once he figured out that the shock stopped as long as he just kept going, he stopped paying any attention to the fence at all. It didn't matter how hard they shocked him at that point.

He digs. He poops in other people’s yards. He trees other people’s cats. He gets into garbage. He poops on back porches. He barks at cats/squirrels/whatever he has treed. He drives other people’s dogs absolutely wild. He wanders far and wide across a range of busy and dangerous roads that often take out animals the size of a full grown white-tailed buck.

His owners, you ask? Oblivious. They don’t care. Their response is “just call if you have a problem.” So, you call. They take care of whatever the issue is. They apologize.

The next day the dog is out doing the same thing again.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

This has been going on for over a year. The husband of this family happens to be a lawyer and should know what the laws are regarding nuisance pets in our area. I’m sure he’s aware and just doesn’t give a damn. But it makes the rest of the neighborhood loath to get into it with these people. The wife is totally oblivious. She just doesn’t see the problem. She thinks everyone is fine with it and when something is mentioned to her, she always has an excuse as to why it either a) wasn’t Brody or b) isn’t a big deal.

She’s always happy to offer an apology. But that’s all it ever is.

Now, I have spent a lot of time over the last year trying to beat into Liam’s head that sorry is all well and good but if you don’t change your behavior and stop doing whatever it is you’re sorry for, then the apology means nothing. He seems to be getting it.

If my 4 year old gets it, she should be able to figure this out, too.

So, I’ve taken to yelling at Brody to get the hell off my lawn every chance I get and I’m just waiting for her to approach me to try and “clear the air.”

At which point the air isn’t going to get a whole lot less clear as I give her an earful of what the neighborhood thinks of her, her dog, and her non-existent pet ownership skills. I’m the daughter of two veterinarians. I know whereof I speak on such topics.

It’s probably going to make me “that” neighbor but I was already halfway there anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Five Things I Want My Kids to Know

1. I want them to know that Scot and I love them unconditionally. It doesn't matter where they go, what they do, or who they love, we will love them. Always.

2. I want them to know that we believe in them. We believe that they can do whatever they set their minds to and that they can succeed.

3. I want them to know how to clean up after themselves, how to make a meal or two, how to do laundry. These things don't just magically happen because a house elf works for us. They're hard work and shouldn't be taken for granted.

4. I want them to know and understand that not everyone is as fortunate as they are and not everyone can afford the lifestyle that we can. I want them to be willing to help people who can't make ends meet.

5. I want them to know what a gift it is to have a sibling - someone who will always have your back, always try to understand what you're going through, always be there for you when you need them.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Moments

I was going to write an entirely different blog post tonight.

I was going to write about The Case of the Humongous Hives or possibly spend time openly mocking those that have a problem with stork parking.

But then I had a moment.

Jamie had a hard time going to bed tonight. Because we had a doctor's appointment late in the afternoon to try to deal with the hive issue, we got very off-schedule as far as the evening went. He fell asleep in the car on the way home from the doctor and by the time we finally made it home his dinner was late, my dinner was late, his bath was late, and bedtime was late. So, although he nursed normally before bed, he started screaming as soon as I put him in the crib.

I let him go for a little while and ran downstairs to take care of a few quick chores while Scot got Liam ready for bed. By the time I was done, Jamie was still screaming and I could tell that he was just having a hard time letting go and going to sleep. Rather than listen to him scream any longer, I got him out of his crib and settled down in the rocking chair with him.

I got him calmed a bit by popping his pacifier back in his mouth and started rocking with him. He cuddled up close in my arms and laid his head against my heart. As we slowly rocked back and forth I watched his eyelids start to droop and he began to doze off. I could feel his weight snuggled against me and time seemed to freeze around me as I soaked up the simple moment of my baby boy asleep in my arms. I wish I could explain the overwhelming rush of love I felt as I sat there looking at him.

It's so easy to lose yourself in minutia when you're scrambling after two little ones. Every now and then you get a moment and I try my very best to let everything else go and live in that moment for as long as it lasts. I make a conscious effort to make a memory out of that moment.

I got one tonight. I hope I get one tomorrow.

Spit Take

Remember this post?

This morning's installment came from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in which Daisy informed Mickey that she "loves playing pretend doctor!!"

Do you think she and Donald indulge in a little BDSM back at the nest?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Technology Saves the Day

As much as I dislike it, we generally live our lives in totally disorganized chaos. I grew up with my parents constantly nagging me to pick up that, clean up this, and sort out the archaeological dig that was my bedroom.

As I've gotten older, those early bad habits have followed me and I'm not the best housekeeper in the world. In fact, I'm pretty mediocre. With two small kids, things get even worse. I really fell off the wagon when I got pregnant with Jamie and the morning sickness hit about a nanosecond after I peed on the home pregnancy test. I'm not good at being pregnant so we struggled through my pregnancy, I gave birth, and Jamie promptly turned our home into his own little Gitmo with his propensity for sleep deprivation.

The housework suffered further.

Life only seems to get crazier as time goes on and the kids get older, but I find that I feel less harried and out of control if the house doesn't look like a bomb filled with toys, unfolded laundry, and dirty pots went off inside it. So, for the last couple of months I've been struggling to crawl back up on the wagon and and take the reins away from that wench who's been driving lately. I divided my weekly household chores out over the days of the week and I try to keep to it - even though I haven't been so successful at it. Plus, there's all the ferrying of children and running of errands and doctor's appointments and haircuts, oh my!

And then I got an iPod touch.

Oh, you handy, slick little piece of technology, you have seduced me with your colorful screens and your oh so useful apps.

I went looking for something that I could use to keep to-do lists and I ended up downloading a free app called "Errand." You can set it up to schedule items daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly; it allows to push an item to the following day; it comes with a file of stock clip art and you can assign each task its own little icon and you can also use existing personal photos for the same purpose. When you're in the home screen of the iPod, it will tell you how many tasks you have left to complete.

I'm in love. I think I need professional help because every time I get to touch that "errand complete" button and I get a sick little thrill. Yay! I did it! I found myself thinking today that it needs a short little celebration animation for when you've completed all your tasks for the day. This app makes me want to do my housework just so I can hit the button.

So, ya got any chores for me?

Monday, November 9, 2009

ABC's

A - Age: 33
B - Bed size: King, Baby!
C - Chore you hate: laundry
D - Dog's name: Maggie
E - Essential start your day item: A caffiene drip. I miss it.
F - Favorite color: green
G - Gold or Silver: silver
H - Height: 5'8"
I - Instruments you play: piano
J - Job title: Mom
K - Kid(s): Liam (4), Jamie (8 mos)
L - Living arrangements: own a house
M - Mom's name: Sue
N - Nicknames: Hey you?
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: 4 times as a child, all related to kidney issues
P - Pet Peeve: drivers who irritate me.
Q - Quote from a movie: "What's the situation?" "Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery!"
R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: 1 sister
T - Time you wake up: 6:30am
U- Underwear: um, yes
V - Vegetable you dislike: beets
W - Ways you run late: When my children conspire against me. And I hate it when they do because I'm pathologically early.
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, ankle, arm, kidneys, wrist, I'm sure there's more.
Y - Yummy food you make: to die for Chocolate Cake
Z - Zoo favorite: baby elephants

Christmas Crazy

I didn't get to posting yesterday so I'll attempt the double-post today.

First, for the 3 people that read this blog, I would like to direct you to Burgh Baby's blog. She is currently attempting to raise $1000 to be split between Toys for Tots and a local shelter so that some Christmas Crazy can be brought to kids in need.

Read her latest post for the best reason yet to give even $1.00, if you have it.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

All We Need Is A Car Up On Blocks in The Driveway

Living in suburbia has a culture all its own. We moved into our house in the 'burbs almost 2.5 years ago and we're still trying to adjust. Before we lived here we lived within Pittsburgh city limits (don't blame Lukey on me! I never voted for him!) on a teeny tiny lot with about 3 trees - one of which was really the neighbor's. Our lawn was approximately the size of a postage stamp (as was our kitchen) and took precisely 87 seconds to mow. Yard care was not a high priority nor a time consuming task.

The reason I tell you this is to explain why it is that when we were looking for a new house we never even considered how much yard care a given house would involve. Well, we found THE house and it just happens to be situated on half an acre and is surrounded by large maples and oaks. Like many homes in and around Pittsburgh, our backyard is a hill. We've got about 20 feet or so of flat ground directly out the back of the house and then it starts going up. So, the whole back hill is woods. The rest of the property is ringed with trees.

You can imagine what this means come Fall.

Now, it seems like the people in my neighborhood all belong to the Lawn Mafia. I'm not lying when I tell you that I once came home on a 20 degree day when it was snowing to find my neighbor across the cul de sac mowing his lawn and picking up leaves. The man is obsessed. He's the worst example but everyone around here puts in a lot of work from early spring to early winter caring for their yards, gardens, and lawns.

Us? Well, not so much. It's not that I don't want to be able to devote time to to it but we have the youngest kids in the neighborhood and it always seems like there's something else going on to prevent us from doing more than the bare minimum. Last Fall I was pregnant, had a 3.5 year old, and my husband had a broken wrist. The few nice days we had, I just didn't have the energy to spend all day on leaf clean up. This year, I have an infant, a 4.5 year old, and a husband with the Hamthrax.

To top it off, our leaves tend to blow onto the lawns of at least 4 of our neighbors. I know they don't appreciate it. Last year Neighbor Man (he of the 20 degree lawn mowing) left several bags of leaves out with OUR trash just as a silent dig to the fact that he was cleaning up our mess thankyouverymuch. This year, another neighbor has erected a leaf fence to defend themselves from our leaves.

I feel so bad, but I also feel torn. I only have so much time and energy and while I *do* make an effort, I can't seem to get completely on top of the job, and keep the house clean, the laundry done, the kids fed, and myself remotely sane. It seems like every year I throw in the towel on the leaves in an effort to keep up with everything else. You'd think that with a college degree and no job, I'd be better at this. But I'm so not. Sigh.

So, yeah, we're those neighbors you give the evil eye for bringing down your property values.

UPDATE: After writing this post I felt so guilty about not raking leaves that I went outside and raked for an hour and a half. The job isn't even close to done but it's the thought that counts, right? RIGHT?

Friday, November 6, 2009

OINK!

I bet you think this post is going to be about eating too much Halloween candy. Wrong. Although, don't get me wrong, my jeans would like to send me a fast email to the effect of "stop eating that crap! The trunk is full."

Ahem.

The Swine Flu has landed at our house. As of yet only Scot is afflicted so we've sequestered him to one room and tried to keep the kids away as much as possible. It would be less problematic if I could get my hands on the stinking vaccine for the kids. Unfortunately, my pediatrician is only giving it to kids who have underlying respiratory problems and my kids don't count. I can't even get the regular seasonal flu vaccine for Liam. They finally got some in and are only vaccinating kids 3 and under so Jamie got his first dose but I'm still shit out of luck for Liam.

Even more frustrating was when my neighbor told me that her pediatrician is giving out both vaccines like candy. I wish I knew what arbitrary measure they dole these things out by.

Anyway, back to the point, we're on full lockdown this weekend and I'm going to be going it alone with the kids for the most part. I'm already exhausted, just thinking about it.

Wish me luck.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Baked Goods

When I sat down to write a blog post tonight I was having trouble figuring out what to write about. So, I did some poking around the internet to see if there was something to spark my writing. I was striking out entirely until I wandered over to PerezHilton.com to rot my brain. Yes, I know. You think less of me now. But I spend a lot of time alone with small children. I need a break from their prattle on occasion. It comes in the form of celebrity gossip.

Having gotten that embarrassing little admission out the way let me tell you what I found.

This interview with Sarah Jessica Parker just astounds me. The more I think about it, the stabbier I get.

“I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” she said.

Ok, lady, what the hell are you smoking these days? When has a child's diaper soaked with pee EVER smelled like a baked good? I've changed thousands of wet diapers and I'm sure I have thousands more to go. This analogy has NEVER leapt to mind.

“The only tragedy would be if their feet are bigger than mine,” Parker said.

Really. That would be the worst thing that could happen? Your twin girls couldn't borrow your shoes. What a tragedy. Nothing compares. Certainly not things like earthquakes that kill millions or children who die before their time. No, the real tragedy would be if your children HAD BIGGER FEET THAN YOU DO.

I'm left speechless and shaking my head. Wow. Just wow.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Remember when?

A few days ago I wrote this post about being tortured by children's television every day and what a pain in the butt it can sometimes be. This morning, Liam said to me "Mommy, did you watch Playhouse Disney when you were a little girl?"

Back when I was a kid, cable didn't exist, you had 4, maybe 5, stations to choose from, and if the President was on you were screwed. Saturday morning was the highlight of your childhood week because you got to tiptoe out of bed at the butt-crack of dawn and turn on Saturday Morning Cartoons. Every station had their own lineup and I, at least, generally picked one station and watched until my Mom made me turn it off. I remember a lot of Smurfs and Gummi Bears and Looney Tunes. It was quasi-educational but mostly it was just fun. I spent all week waiting to watch on Saturday morning and was always bummed when they were over.

These days? Not so much. I can pretty much find something cartoon-y or educational (or both) on TV 24 hours a day. Especially with things like Noggin and On Demand out there.

So, this morning when I explained to Liam about how we didn't have cable back then (and thus did not get or have The Disney Channel), that we didn't get it until I was in high school, and that we had one morning a week to watch cartoons he had a very confused look on his face.

However, perhaps the pervasive lack of kid's TV back when I was a little is what led me to watch soap operas with my mother from the time I was about five years old!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Flummoxed

As I was wandering the aisles of Giant Eagle doing my grocery shopping this morning, I ran across a product that both confused and horrified me. So much so that I stood there in front of other shoppers, whipped out my cell phone, and snapped a picture. I give you the Batter Blaster.




Yes, indeed. Pancake batter from a whipped cream can. Organic, no less! How can something so unnatural be organic?!

On the one hand I look at this and think "is pancake batter really that difficult to make?" Even if you don't want to mix it from scratch, walk three aisles over and pick up a box of Bisquick. Even simpler than that is the bottle of Bisquick that you add water to, shake up, and pour in the pan. Are we all really in such a hurry and so lazy as to need pre-made pancake batter in a NOZZLE CAN?!

And then there's the other hand. This is the part where I think "Ew." I don't care how organic it is, that shit can't taste good. It can't possibly rise properly leaving you with leaden pancakes that will sit in your stomach doing their best impersonation of a pile of bricks.

Hold me.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Roundup

1. I have officially reached whale proportions. I need to lose 30 pounds and I need to do it last week. Since I have two small kids going to gym isn't exactly convenient. So, it's time to step up the yard work/housework regime and cut back on the crap food. Oh sweet Kit Kats, how I'll miss thee.

If I can drop 5 pounds by Thanksgiving I'll consider that a victory.

2. Liam cracks us up all the time. His latest was using the phrase "two headed duck crosser." We gave him the "buh?" face the first time he used it and asked where he heard that. He said "Flushed Away!" We had watched the movie earlier in the day so we thought about it, pondered it, reverse engineered it and realized that he meant "two faced double crosser." Ha!

3. Jamie is racing through his developmental milestones. He'll be 8 months in a couple of days and he is crawling, pulling up, and cruising with abandon. He is just itching to chase his brother and the dog. At this rate he'll be walking before he's a year old. I know that all parents say this but I can't believe he's growing so quickly. Then again, I'm shocked that Liam will be 5 in a few months. How did that happen?

4. I had my first parental experience of the kid-up-all-night-puking illness. That? Sucked. I won't gross you out with the details but the sheer lack of sleep was heinous and I'm used to getting less sleep. What's worse is that it was the first night in forever that Jamie slept really well and instead of sleeping I was cleaning up puke. Yay parenthood!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Five Movies

I was puttering around the blogosphere today and ran across a post in which the blogger discussed the five movies she could see day after day and never get bored. It got me thinking about what five movies I would choose. In no particular order they are:

1. Sense and Sensibility - despite Kate Winslet's heaving bosoms this is a great flick.
2. Anne of Green Gables/Anne of Avonlea - yes, I know they're both 4 hours long but I love them, so there.
3. 10 Things I Hate About You - Cheesy teen flick based on Shakespeare with a great soundtrack. What could be better?
4. Clerks - A classic.
5. Shakespeare in Love - Even though Gwyneth Paltrow makes me stabby, I really like this film.

I'm sure there are more but those are what came to mind. As I look at it, it's a bit heavy on the costume drama. But who doesn't love a good costume drama?

Happy Halloween!

Well, Halloween was a bit of a bust this year because I spent the night before awake all night with Liam puking. So, we missed out on trick or treating. Sigh. Maybe next year. Halloween seems to be a bit cursed for us.

Anyway, because of illness and the fact that Liam refuses to put his costume back on so I can actually get decent pics of the kids in their outfits, here's the best I could do this year.

Liam was Luke Skywalker

Jamie was Darth Vader


It was a very Star Wars Halloween!