I am in my last week of the online membership to Weight Watchers that I purchased. In my original post three months ago, I said that I would give the online thing a whirl and if it didn't work, I'd go back to meetings. (Or maybe I didn't say that, having just reread the post. Well, it was the intent, anyway.)
I really thought it was going to work out since I started to lose right away. I felt like I could conquer this weight thing. Yes, I can!
But I didn't. I'm 12 weeks in and I've lost 8 lbs. Now, that's 8 more pounds than I was able to lose OFF of Weight Watchers but I really, really hoped to be 15 pounds down by this point.
I'm not. It's pool season, Liam is BEGGING me on a daily basis to go, and the last thing I want to do is appear in public in a swimsuit.*
I'm feeling very much like a failure today. I committed to this and I just didn't follow through. AGAIN. What is wrong with me? Why am I so lame? When I read my first post about this process, I couldn't believe who upbeat and happy I sounded. What the heck happened?
So, today I signed up to go back to meetings. I don't like it and I don't really want to give up that time in my schedule. I especially don't want to do it if I'm just going to be a giant failure again. Yeah, yeah positive attitude and all that but I'm just not feeling very positive. I've failed enough times at this that I'm starting to think I can't succeed.
The battle of the bulge rages on.
*Yes, I am aware that community pools are havens for people who just really shouldn't wear THAT in public so my cottage cheese contained in a tank suit isn't a big deal. Except that my community pool ALSO has a bunch of women who are stick thin with big boobs and tiny bikinis. They are a silent rebuke to me. It's very hard for me to overlook all that and pay attention to having fun with my kids because I'm so uncomfortable.