Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Diet: Week 12

I am in my last week of the online membership to Weight Watchers that I purchased.  In my original post three months ago, I said that I would give the online thing a whirl and if it didn't work, I'd go back to meetings. (Or maybe I didn't say that, having just reread the post.  Well, it was the intent, anyway.)

I really thought it was going to work out since I started to lose right away.  I felt like I could conquer this weight thing.  Yes, I can!

But I didn't.  I'm 12 weeks in and I've lost 8 lbs.  Now, that's 8 more pounds than I was able to lose OFF of Weight Watchers but I really, really hoped to be 15 pounds down by this point.

I'm not.  It's pool season, Liam is BEGGING me on a daily basis to go, and the last thing I want to do is appear in public in a swimsuit.*

I'm feeling very much like a failure today.  I committed to this and I just didn't follow through.  AGAIN.  What is wrong with me?  Why am I so lame?  When I read my first post about this process, I couldn't believe who upbeat and happy I sounded.  What the heck happened?

So, today I signed up to go back to meetings.  I don't like it and I don't really want to give up that time in my schedule.  I especially don't want to do it if I'm just going to be a giant failure again.  Yeah, yeah positive attitude and all that but I'm just not feeling very positive.  I've failed enough times at this that I'm starting to think I can't succeed.

The battle of the bulge rages on.

*Yes, I am aware that community pools are havens for people who just really shouldn't wear THAT in public so my cottage cheese contained in a tank suit isn't a big deal.  Except that my community pool ALSO has a bunch of women who are stick thin with big boobs and tiny bikinis.  They are a silent rebuke to me.  It's very hard for me to overlook all that and pay attention to having fun with my kids because I'm so uncomfortable.

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