I am in my last week of the online membership to Weight Watchers that I purchased. In my original post three months ago, I said that I would give the online thing a whirl and if it didn't work, I'd go back to meetings. (Or maybe I didn't say that, having just reread the post. Well, it was the intent, anyway.)
I really thought it was going to work out since I started to lose right away. I felt like I could conquer this weight thing. Yes, I can!
But I didn't. I'm 12 weeks in and I've lost 8 lbs. Now, that's 8 more pounds than I was able to lose OFF of Weight Watchers but I really, really hoped to be 15 pounds down by this point.
I'm not. It's pool season, Liam is BEGGING me on a daily basis to go, and the last thing I want to do is appear in public in a swimsuit.*
I'm feeling very much like a failure today. I committed to this and I just didn't follow through. AGAIN. What is wrong with me? Why am I so lame? When I read my first post about this process, I couldn't believe who upbeat and happy I sounded. What the heck happened?
So, today I signed up to go back to meetings. I don't like it and I don't really want to give up that time in my schedule. I especially don't want to do it if I'm just going to be a giant failure again. Yeah, yeah positive attitude and all that but I'm just not feeling very positive. I've failed enough times at this that I'm starting to think I can't succeed.
The battle of the bulge rages on.
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*Yes, I am aware that community pools are havens for people who just really shouldn't wear THAT in public so my cottage cheese contained in a tank suit isn't a big deal. Except that my community pool ALSO has a bunch of women who are stick thin with big boobs and tiny bikinis. They are a silent rebuke to me. It's very hard for me to overlook all that and pay attention to having fun with my kids because I'm so uncomfortable.
Showing posts with label diet fail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet fail. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Diet
Ladies and Gents, it's week 9 and things are NOT going well. At this point I should have lost 15 lbs. I have lost 6. I feel better, yes, and I can tell that I look better but I really need to look a lot better than I do.
I know I've had a very stressful couple of weeks. I went on vacation for the weekend and then promptly had to come home and weigh in but the sad truth is that I'm failing the test here. Again. For what seems like the millionth time. Clearly my commitment to this is lacking.
Do I have time in the day to focus on this? Yes, I do. But I don't use that time to exercise. I think about exercising but I'm tired and I don't feel like it and it's hard and I'd really like some cheese with my whine.
And then there's the time of day when the kids are in bed and I'm ready to chill out on the couch. My brain immediately tells me "you need a snack. In fact, you need LOTS of snacks." I handle the problem much better on some days than on others but I bet I'd be more successful at all of this if I could just flipping STOP eating at night after dinner.
It's becoming more and more clear to me that this is going to take more "me" time than I hoped. I am going to have to set aside the time to be good to me by torturing myself at the gym - at least metaphorically because I can't afford a gym membership. So, my gym is going to have to be my living room and, well, blerg is all I have to say about that. The gravity well that resides on my couch is ever so comfy.
I only have 3.5 weeks left on the 12 week online program I paid for through Weight Watchers. If I don't make better progress here I don't know what I'm going to do at the end of that period. Meetings are a pain in the ass and not scheduled at times that are convenient to me so I'm tempted to stick with the online program. But, well, see all of my complaining above.
I guess I'm just feeling frustrated and stupid and lazy and every other bad adjective in the book. Sigh. I work hard at a lot of things in my life. Why does this have to be so hard, too?
I know I've had a very stressful couple of weeks. I went on vacation for the weekend and then promptly had to come home and weigh in but the sad truth is that I'm failing the test here. Again. For what seems like the millionth time. Clearly my commitment to this is lacking.
Do I have time in the day to focus on this? Yes, I do. But I don't use that time to exercise. I think about exercising but I'm tired and I don't feel like it and it's hard and I'd really like some cheese with my whine.
And then there's the time of day when the kids are in bed and I'm ready to chill out on the couch. My brain immediately tells me "you need a snack. In fact, you need LOTS of snacks." I handle the problem much better on some days than on others but I bet I'd be more successful at all of this if I could just flipping STOP eating at night after dinner.
It's becoming more and more clear to me that this is going to take more "me" time than I hoped. I am going to have to set aside the time to be good to me by torturing myself at the gym - at least metaphorically because I can't afford a gym membership. So, my gym is going to have to be my living room and, well, blerg is all I have to say about that. The gravity well that resides on my couch is ever so comfy.
I only have 3.5 weeks left on the 12 week online program I paid for through Weight Watchers. If I don't make better progress here I don't know what I'm going to do at the end of that period. Meetings are a pain in the ass and not scheduled at times that are convenient to me so I'm tempted to stick with the online program. But, well, see all of my complaining above.
I guess I'm just feeling frustrated and stupid and lazy and every other bad adjective in the book. Sigh. I work hard at a lot of things in my life. Why does this have to be so hard, too?
Monday, April 11, 2011
Diet: Week Three
Failure.
I lost nothing.
Despite the fact that I pulled out last year's shorts because the weather suddenly warmed up and those shorts fit better than they did last year, I am the same weight this week as last. I was so excited when I put them on. I could button them easily and I didn't feel like I'd been stuffed into them because I'm too cheap to buy a bigger size.
I feel frustrated.
I'm going to assume that I need to up my game as far as exercise is concerned. I'm not very good at it nor am I dedicated to it in any way. I'm going to have to put that aside and find ways to be more active than I am just chasing the kids around. It's not enough because my body is used to that.
I can only hope that next week is more productive.
I lost nothing.
Despite the fact that I pulled out last year's shorts because the weather suddenly warmed up and those shorts fit better than they did last year, I am the same weight this week as last. I was so excited when I put them on. I could button them easily and I didn't feel like I'd been stuffed into them because I'm too cheap to buy a bigger size.
I feel frustrated.
I'm going to assume that I need to up my game as far as exercise is concerned. I'm not very good at it nor am I dedicated to it in any way. I'm going to have to put that aside and find ways to be more active than I am just chasing the kids around. It's not enough because my body is used to that.
I can only hope that next week is more productive.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I Am Made of Fail
Well, that pretty much sums it up.
I'm almost two weeks into the dietary changes and I've lost nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nadarino. In fact, I may have actually put on a pound.
Now, I could give you a whole list of reasons why this is the case - and they'd be good reasons. It's not like I'd be saying things like "Oh, I just didn't get around to it." But it ultimately comes down to the fact that I just didn't make great choices and there were more days than one in which I said "screw it." I allowed myself to screw up and then I allowed myself to keep screwing up because I figured once a single bad choice was made the whole day was a waste. That quickly adds up to derailing yourself.
I'm pretty disgusted with myself. Not just because I'm fat and that alone disgusts me but also because I should be strong enough to do this. I should be able to have the discipline and I clearly do not. What the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, I have a food diary. I've been journaling my food every day for a couple of weeks. I missed a few days for those good reasons I mentioned but I'm still continuing to make the effort.
I'm frustrated. I'm angry with myself. I feel like a failure every single day because of this. I cannot seem to make headway and I'm so bothered by it. This is the one thing in my life I'm trying to do just for myself and I can't even get it right. Just like everything else in my life, I appear to be falling down on the job on a consistent basis.
I'm almost two weeks into the dietary changes and I've lost nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nadarino. In fact, I may have actually put on a pound.
Now, I could give you a whole list of reasons why this is the case - and they'd be good reasons. It's not like I'd be saying things like "Oh, I just didn't get around to it." But it ultimately comes down to the fact that I just didn't make great choices and there were more days than one in which I said "screw it." I allowed myself to screw up and then I allowed myself to keep screwing up because I figured once a single bad choice was made the whole day was a waste. That quickly adds up to derailing yourself.
I'm pretty disgusted with myself. Not just because I'm fat and that alone disgusts me but also because I should be strong enough to do this. I should be able to have the discipline and I clearly do not. What the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, I have a food diary. I've been journaling my food every day for a couple of weeks. I missed a few days for those good reasons I mentioned but I'm still continuing to make the effort.
I'm frustrated. I'm angry with myself. I feel like a failure every single day because of this. I cannot seem to make headway and I'm so bothered by it. This is the one thing in my life I'm trying to do just for myself and I can't even get it right. Just like everything else in my life, I appear to be falling down on the job on a consistent basis.
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