Liam got out of the bath tonight and started scratching his butt.
"My butt itches!" he announced.
"So scratch it."
He proceeded to do so with such vigor that he wouldn't take the 5 steps from the bathroom into his bedroom so that he could put on his PJ's. Finally, I had to look at him and use the same line I use on the dog.
"Liam! Leave your butt alone!"
He headed in to his room where Scot was waiting him help him dry off and get into PJ's. He started complaining that his butt still itched and Scot, always the dutiful father, inspected the area. He said he saw what looked like two tiny hives so I marched to the cupboard to pull out the spray topical anesthetic for him.
That's when Scot asked Liam exactly where it itched.
"Right in between, Dad."
Yes, he meant between his cheeks.
"You're on your own with that one, kid!"
So, I went in there with the can of Dermoplast and, always the dutiful mother, inspected my kid's butt. Even between his cheeks. Then said "Hold still. This will be cold."
And I gave him a blast of Dermoplast.
"There," I said, "no more itch."
He giggled like an insane fool.
Scot got his PJ's on him and then marched him into the bathroom so that he could brush his teeth. Liam then began to complain that his butt still itched. Whereupon I told him that wasn't possible because I used stuff to make his butt numb. I think he just wanted me to spray his butt again. Weird kid.